Comparing vs Measuring

One makes judgements, the other takes stock.

Photo by Salvador Godoy on Unsplash

The context:

After a recent online guest speaking opportunity at a university, I left the experience feeling terrible. I felt like I had droned on for an hour using disjointed and irrelevant stories, that had left many of my audience members lost and bored. It didn’t help that I couldn’t see my audience (although at the time, I figured it was probably for the best). I knew I was comparing my perceived performance to the ideal I had set in my head and the gap between the two enveloped me for the next few hours.

When I finally felt buttressed enough to ask for feedback from my family and the professor of the class, however, it was much more positive than I had anticipated. Of course, there were things to work on, but they also commented that they enjoyed my stories and the perspective I provided. There were even two students who emailed the professor and me, respectively, after the talk to share their thoughts and how I shifted their perspectives.

So what happened here? I’d say there were two things in particular. 1) Comparing my ideal to the actual talk led to an overemphasis on the difference between the two (in this case what was lacking from the actual event), and 2) the lack of a clear goal for the talk led to a skewed understanding of the results. Essentially, I felt very insecure about my talk because I was comparing myself to my ideal speakers. However, I should have been measuring the skills and abilities of both them and myself and trying to actively decide what I could do about the difference between them.

I believe that while making comparisons may be a natural human instinct,¹ we don’t actually benefit from doing the actual comparison itself. What we benefit from is measuring the differences to be used for improvement.

What is the difference between comparing and measuring?

In my opinion, comparing involves looking at what others have, the results that they have achieved, or even what they're able to do, and focusing on the difference or the gap between them and you.

When you compare, you identify gaps or shortcomings between yourself and your ideal (person, position, etc.), and allow them to dictate how you feel about your current situation.

Think about when we go shopping for clothes. We look for clothes with the qualities we want that will also fit us and buy that. When we stumble upon similar items, we have to compare because there are no other options. In the end, be it based on color, style, or price, we’ll end up dismissing the clothes that are “worse” and buying the clothes that we feel were “better”.

Measuring, on the other hand, involves looking objectively at the criteria/ skills/ abilities of the person who you are trying to emulate, looking at your own, and then deciding what to do about the difference between them based on a goal that you have in mind.

When you measure, you identify objective and observable differences between yourself and your ideal (person, position, etc.), and use your understanding of these differences to decide your next actions.

Imagine if we went shopping for custom clothing. We still look for qualities that appeal to us, but instead of focusing solely on the whole item, and being limited to only the sizes that fit us, we alternate between focusing on the pieces that are important and how they come together to make our ideal piece of clothing. Once we identify what we want the end product to look like, then we get measured. We are measured to identify how our bodies are built so that the fabric can be made to fit us.

Human beings are not made to be one-size-fits-all. Each one of us is unique and can learn how to amplify that uniqueness from others who are similar, but not exactly the same. That won’t happen if we only focus on what we think is the “best” or “better”. We grow best when we realize that we have the ability to show up made-to-order for any situation, as long as we know the goal, what qualities need to be personalized, and we get the correct measurements.

For insights on how to implement this mindset, check out this post.

Cultivating a Measuring Mindset

Can’t wait to see how you continue to show up throughout this journey of Leadership in the Making.

1. This article gives an overview of the use of social comparison, the phenomenon of humans comparing themselves to other humans. It also links to other scientific studies. https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-the-social-comparison-process-2795872